It's 2019.

Hey guys, it's been super long since I have ever posted anything here. But it's 2019, and here I am, writing this post with a lot on my mind and in my heart.

Friends.

I don't know how you guys would define the term 'friend', but for me, it is nothing more than just those who are of different blood but have these invisible strings to my heart. There are ups and downs in relationships as friends. Most people would say that there are different levels of friends. Best friends, close friends, childhood friends, BFF, etc. That kind of opinion juxtaposed mine. I moved a lot, so I have a lot of friends but none of them are really close to me. We'd text a few times in a year to get in touch again, but that's it. They will just end up as friends. My current friends are the closest with me. I have been with them for almost 5 years now and they are very important to me. However, what do they really think of me?

Most of them have this similar public opinion on friends; which stresses on different levels of friendships. In contrast, I am a very individualised person. To be honest, I'm a person who categorise my tasks. There are a lot of tasks which I really prefer to do individually, rather than in groups. This is a big issue if we are living in a community. Most best friends would love to do their work in groups, but I always prefer to do it alone. I guess that's what distanced me from the people. I am never one's first choice when it comes to grouping. That saddens me, because sometimes, it is so obvious in the class that I'm not wanted. But, it's okay. It's life.

At times, I really hate myself for sensing insincerity in friendships because it is so noticeable. It is so noticeable that it makes me really sad. In laughters, words, involuntary actions. The older I get, the more silent I become. I guess it's better not to let it out. If I ever wanted to let them know then, what is it for? It's not like they're gonna be much more sincere than before. All I'm gonna add is just distance. So, I just accept it. Right now, I'm just sad because after I graduate, I'm gonna have less friends than today. Life is just that same cycle, I guess.

But, I am grateful for them. I am definitely not a good friend but they still friended me. That, itself, is a great blessing.