Life with a crush is depressing. Better not have it at all, trust me 😂😂 From today, I'm refraining from having crush at all. I hope my life will be better afterwards. Hahahahahhahahahaha.
I'm serious, it's depressing. It become worst when you're having other external problems as well. It's so tiring, and depressing, and most of all you knew your crush would be ignoring you because that is a normal thing hahaha.
Anyway, it's not just having crush that's depressing. It's the other problems as well. I initially thought that once it ends, even though we don't have a normal family relationship anymore, that would be just that. But now, it's getting worst. It's not fair for your children actually. Parents shouldn't ever involve children with their problems. Even though I'm big enough to understand them, I'm living alone. I'm the only one who lives alone. My sister frequently go home and my brother is always home, but I can't. The worst thing is having to face the internal conflicts by yourselves, with no one to listen.
The scariest thing is these conflicts have changed me in a way that I got scared of being myself. I got insecurities from the tiniest thing to the biggest problem. I started to care about the little gestures people do when they talk to me, I got scared if any of my behaviour or words hurts people, to the extent that I got so scared talking to people, even the closest people. Even the smallest gestures like talking to others but got ignored is so painful, it's just so sad. It gets sadder when other people sees that and I end up feeling like I'm someone to be pity for. I feel like if I truly be honest, and be open about my feelings, people will end up hating me, getting annoyed with me. I know I can't make everyone happy but at least I don't want them to hate me. I'm getting too far from my friends, and it feels so lonely. And I don't think I can express this to others, they might get annoyed. They're so different than me. I don't know, maybe I just need to stop being so expressive about my feelings.
Will this get better in time?
